SITE UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

Aug. 08, 2025

I've been needing to pack up my room and clean to move out but I don't have the motivation to do anything? I feel like I'm drowning in things to to do and it stucks. I want to just function normally and get my life all packed up but that's proving to be way harder than originally thought. I'm looking back at a lot of pieces of my childhood and the person I thought I'd become is not the one who's cleaning everything out. My old fandoms, my edgy phases, the impulse Hot Topic purchases. It simultaneously feels like I'm throwing away my personality and also discovering it for the first time. It feels like growing pains in my heart. I am leaving behind so much and I also have so many new experiences ahead. It's intimidating. I guess that's why I picked up coding, or at least am trying to. I've always been envious of people with really cool hobbies and I love to personalise everything in my life. Websites have that added veil of anonymity that makes this a perfect vessel for experimenting with my personality and identity. A place of my own design where I make the rules and no one in my real life with ever know it's me. I could identify with some niche microlabel or try out new aesthetics or infodump about what's interesting to me and that's so freeing. Digital personality experiments don't leave with boxes of junk you need to donate when you move 120 miles away for college. It has occured to me that this has no coherant theme and I am just brain dumping into my code rn. I'll try to string together my thoughts in a way that's not just stream of consciousness mush. Creating a digital space that's mine to customise has been so helpful for me during this time of transition and change. I can reflect on the change I'm seeing in myself and it won't add any clutter or make me feel pressured to consumme anymore than i already do. I'm growing in a way I never expected I would. I'll probably edit this later to have it make more sense. In the meantime, I'm going to pick up a strawberry Monster from the gas station and hopefully pull an all-nighter and get this packing nightmare over with!

Aug. 21, 2025

Oh wow it's been a while. i've been on campus and attending class for a little over a week and a half now. i never realised how much upkeep there is to be a functional ad